Have you ever gotten into an email war with someone? Have you said something or sent something and instantly regretted it? You just couldn’t stop yourself, right? Why?
A number of things can trigger such a reaction, especially threats to one’s standing in society, social group, self-esteem and status. Our core emotional need is to feel valued. Threats to that are nearly as powerful as threats to our survival.
Many of our reactions are caused by the body’s Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), which functions largely below the level of consciousness, and controls/affects heart rate, digestion, respiration rate, salivation, perspiration, diameter of the pupils and sexual arousal. Most of its actions are involuntary.
The ANS is classically divided into two subsystems: the parasympathetic nervous system and sympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic division typically functions in actions requiring quick responses. The parasympathetic division functions with actions that do not require immediate reaction.
When we are acting ‘normally’, rationally, the parasympathetic nervous system is in charge. We act civilized, reasonable, considerate, balanced. Some people more than others, for sure, but this is when we are at our best. We perform well.
But when we feel threatened and become defensive, which are causes of stress, our sympathetic nervous system usurps that role. We
are stressed, and become short-sighted. This “fight-or-flight” survival response puts us in a defensive crouch where we’re clearly not at our professional best.
During the workday, people and events around you, can often make you feel threatened. The subsequent “fight-or-flight” response would help you survive from a predator, but in the slightly more civilized office environment, it might not come across well. Many of the times, you’ll probably end up asking yourself – “What was I thinking when I did that?” or “Why was I doing that dumb thing? I know better.”
As you now know, you were reacting on an ancient savannah or a jungle, to a predator or an enemy. There was no time for thinking. Or you’d be literally, dead.
What you need is just a bit of time for the stress-induced hormones to stop coursing through your brain, and your ability to think clearly will return. Awareness and taking some quick time-off can help with this on a day-to-day basis. The next time you find yourself cursing a colleague/boss and feel that uncontrollable urge to quickly write them an email and hit the send button, STOP RIGHT THERE. Become aware and remind yourself that your negative ancient avatar has surfaced. Try talking a walk, breathing deeply, changing your environment and diffusing the situation. Revisit the situation/task with a clear mind and in your ‘normal’ state.
Sources & references: Wikipedia, HBR - ’Whatever You Feel Compelled to Do, Don’t’
